Back again.

I admit, I didn't come back here specifically to blog. I came back because I feel like my friend is in trouble and I thought maybe I could pick up on what's going on by reading her blog. That really didn't work so much. She hasn't posted anything in three months and I'm still behind. There is anger there, there is hurt. There is frustration and exhaustion. Out of all of these, I'm really picking up anger and exhaustion. She is emotionally exhausted. There is nothing I can do about it, really. I am not close enough, physically, to be any big help. I'm getting used to not being able to do anything to fix situations for those I love. That's probably a good thing, as they need to be able to do it and I have things closer to home to concentrate on.

I trust that she can do what she needs to do and do it well.

As can I. That's a new sentiment for me, you see. A gift I have been given this summer. It's been a hard summer round here. Summers are typically hard for me. The bells of the school year quiet down. Our routines go out the window. Yes, that's why we look forward to summer, but I dread it as well. I need there to be a rhythm to my days. Rhythmless days = chaos.

The good news is, all the children are registered for the next year of school. School days are here again. Big relief for all my family. Kids are excited. I'm damn near thrilled, as is my brother. It's been a hard summer for him, too. My mother is still sick, but we are definitely in a holding pattern. The chemotherapy is holding the cancer at bay. Her weight went up a couple of pounds this month. Believe you me, that's good news. We determined, or, rather, Dr. Pippas, determined that she does not have a fistula. She has normal digestion and her weight has stabilized for now. For the next 7 weeks, that's what we're focusing on: keeping her weight on her tiny little body. A year ago, she was a size 16. Now, she's a size 8, leaning towards a 6. Weight loss via cancer: I don't recommend it. She's so tiny . . . my daughter and I want to dress her up like a lil old Barbie doll.

In other news, Happy Lammastide! I love that word. We're easing towards fall and football is around the corner. My oldest son is starting to talk to college football scouts. He wants a football scholarship. I want him to go to college. Maybe we can both have our ways. He's a sophomore now, 15 this month. He has set an intention to do better in school this year. He's a good kid, a respectful person.

My younger son is starting eighth grade this year. He says he's not excited, but I know better. He's looking forward to advanced math classes, longer clarinet lessons and joining the broadcasting club. It's time to start touring high schools for him. You have to apply to high schools here. I think he's interested in Columbus High School, my alma mater, but I'm encouraging him to keep an open mind. He is SO smart. Smart like my dad, in that intellectual kind of way, but with far better people skills.

My daughter is starting fourth grade. Upper primary. She wants to be involved in everything she possibly can. She's still a Girl Scout; she starts Junior level this year. She is going to take drama lessons and Spanish after school, at least until Science Olympiad starts in the spring. There was some talk of hip hop dance lessons over the summer, but we'll see how that goes.

As for me. Well, that's always the hard part, isn't it? I'm trying to be more at ease with fluidity. The transition of one thing into another and being comfortable with the transitioning. Still keeping track of my chakras. Root chakra is less blocked than it was. I think taking multiple baths/day and taking care of day-to-day business of my crew helped with that, as well as doing better at keeping up the house and paying bills.

Need:
Physical activity - to that end, I bought myself a new stretching book and I'm going to apply for a scholarship at the YMCA. I also dug my dad's mp3 player out and it still works! I've got to concentrate on the adventure part of walking around the park to block out the fear of people, but I think having the mp3 player with me will help as a distraction.

More protein, root veggies & water. It's expensive, but I think it will be worth it. I tend to lean on carbs for stress relief, but I can substitute in some ways. Greek yogurt vs. ice cream, that sort of thing. I need to eat more regularly, too. I've been having sharp hunger - when I get hungry, I have to eat right that minute or I get nauseated. Don't know what that's about. As for water, I'm drinking more tea, both cold and hot. I really like the Lipton citrus green tea and I have boxes upon boxes of teabags of different sorts.

Sleep. Gotta beat this insomnia. I'm taking otc sleeping pills/liquid right now + I keep the house cold + I go to sleep with the TV on something familiar but low, to occupy my mind long enough to get to sleep. I know the TV part isn't considered good sleep hygiene, but I don't have a working cd player right now. I have found some relaxation cds I think would help on amazon.

Better self-care. I'm getting my hair cut and colored tomorrow. That will help immensely. I want to conquer the people-fear enough to get a pedicure. I used to get them all the time, but I learned to be responsible and it became harder to spend money on myself. I would like to get a professional massage, too, but the latter part of that last sentence applies here, too. Tony does a pretty good job himself.

Less coffee. Gotta reduce to a tall and save a grande for bad days. It'll be hard, but I think it will help with the insomnia.